Giving space or holding space

What’s the difference between giving someone space when they're upset and holding space for them?

Society doesn't set us up to be natural space holders – we enter relationships with our own shopping list of expectations, some more conscious that others. That's also why psychotherapists have years of training to learn how to hold space for clients ethically, compassionately and responsibly.

You can still hold space in your relationships and see how enriching they become as a result.

Make sure you have some space held for you, too.

Giving someone space LOOKS like:
🌀Leaving someone alone in their emotional experience when they haven't asked to be alone
🌀Only connecting with someone when they feel a certain way
🌀Only connecting with someone when they are behaving or appearing a certain way

Giving space can FEEL like:
🌀Abandonment
🌀Rejection
🌀Shame
🌀Punishment
🌀Disdain
🌀Disinterest

Giving space can SAY
🌀“I can only relate to you when you are feeling or behaving in a certain way.”
🌀“I only accept some parts of you.”
🌀“I will connect with you on my terms when it suits me.”

Holding space can LOOK like
🌀Remaining emotionally connected with someone no matter how upset they are (providing they are not abusive or aggressive)
🌀Expressing empathy rather than sympathy; I see you instead of poor you
🌀Not trying to fix or offer solutions to the perceived problem

Holding space FEELS like
🌀Respect
🌀Validation
🌀Recognition
🌀Consideration
🌀Care
🌀Honouring

Holding space SAYS
🌀“I accept you no matter what you’re feeling or going through”
🌀“I’m still here for you when you’re ready to connect”
🌀“All parts of you belong and can be related to”
🌀“I see you, I get it"

What does it feel like when someone holds space for you?